Motherhood's true reflection
Motherhood's true reflection
This week held 3 significant dates for me. My youngest is now six months, my eldest turned two, and today we celebrate Mother's Day. Being a Māmā of two under two has been a rollercoaster to say the least and as it comes to an end, It feels bittersweet. Half of me feels so proud of the life Jen and I have built for our babies, and half of me feels like I could have given more, could have loved more, could have laughed more.
If I am completely honest, in the last couple of months I have been dealing with PPD. Constant negative thoughts, more rage than I have ever felt, and a whole lot of guilt for feeling all of these feelings. As I sit in this reflection, I am reminded once again of the mothers that surround me. The strength that they have carried. The way they have seen straight through my fake smiles and seen my mamae. Yet they still uplifted and encouraged me. They gave me grace and championed me forward without making me feel weak or unstable. So to all of the mothers in my life, I thank you.
But my story doesn't end with my PPD. I refuse to let it. Because motherhood is so layered, so complex, and yet so rewarding. Daily, I get to wake up living the life I used to dream of. I get to sit in the craziness and listen to the giggles, and the excitement of babies that are our little minis. I get to wake up in a house filled with an evolved love from what I grew up in. So for that, I want to thank my own mother because, despite the struggles of raising 6 children, she cared for us like no other. Throughout motherhood, I have leaned on her guidance more times than I can count because if I can be half as driven as my mother was, I will be just fine.
So if you are currently dealing with PPD yourself, please know you are not alone, and I am so proud of you.
I also want to acknowledge anyone who is grieving your mother or your baby. Please be kind to yourself today, take it one step at a time, and reach out.
And lastly, if you have friends that are mothers or grieving, let them know you are thinking of them and that they are loved, because the silence can be so lonely.
Aroha mauroa,
Nels